The Love Dare

In January and February I did The Love Dare with the girls in our life group. It is a 40-day adventure to changing your heart to love your spouse.

Love is patient. Love is kind.

I mean, three words in, I am not the definition of love. I can not even get close on my own. I always kind of disliked those verses because it seemed so...lofty and impossible.

But with The Love Dare you take it one day at a time, and by completing the dares you come closer to being the definition of love. For example, one day you are patient with your spouse all day long. Then the next day you show an act of kindness.

TIPS if You're Considering the Dare

  • DO NOT tell your spouse what you are doing. I think sometimes when Eric and I read devotionals together, my heart is not in the right place. I am usually cheering inside that Eric is hearing how he should treat me and hoping he will change. The Love Dare is the exact opposite. You focus on yourself and your heart. And seeing the look on your spouse's face as you change is completely worth it.
  • Go through it with someone else or a group of friends to hold you accountable. Our group decided to choose a different person each week to send the dares via email. The rest of us would then respond what we thought about the devotional, what we planned to do for the dare and shared ideas if someone was stuck or unsure.

It was so fun to keep the secret from him and be sneaky. I have so many takeaways, but here are a couple I just have to share:

  • If a man says to his wife, “I have fallen out of love with you,” he is actually saying, “I never loved you unconditionally to begin with." How true!
  • The way your spouse has been for the past 10 years is likely what he or she will be in the future apart from your loving encouragement and an intervention from God. It is important for us to pray for and encourage our spouses to become who God is calling them to be.

The timing of The Love Dare was great for our marriage. I actually finished it the morning Rooney was born, about an hour before my water broke. With all the chaos, I just finally got around to telling Eric about it last week. He said, "I feel so blessed that you would do that for me. And in that last month before Rooney came, we had never been more in love and our marriage had never been stronger." So I guess it worked! He actually felt bad that he hadn't noticed, and I told him that he definitely did notice. I could tell after I completed the dares each day that he felt more respected, filled up and loved.

Have you ever completed or tried to complete The Love Dare? Or has your spouse done it to you? I'd love to hear about it!

If you don't have The Love Dare book, you can find all 40 dares on the K-LOVE blog starting with Day 1. It's easier to hide it from your spouse that way. :)

>> On a similar note, I found this article, "You Never Marry the Right Person," very interesting (thanks, Laura, for sharing it with me!).