7 Issues That Lead to Divorce & How We Avoid Them
I was emailed this infographic a few weeks ago. It covers some staggering statistics on the "D" word (divorce). If you've read our 12 Reasons We're Still Married (one of our most popular posts of all time), then you know how we feel about the "D" word. I'd love for you to check out the infographic. I have a few opinions to add of my own, and then I'd love to hear your opinion in the comments.
Embedded from Fine & Associates
In Genesis, God gave us consequences of original sin that play out in marriage. Genesis 3:15 says "And I will cause hostility between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring. He will strike your head, and you will strike his heel. 16 I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you. 17 And to the man he said, "Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it."
We shouldn't be surprised that conflict arises within marriage. We all argue. But, I think one thing that really helped us in our marriage is the understanding that there will always be conflict. It's how we manage it that makes the difference. If we have a basic understanding that we will never be perfect and that we will always have to work at making our marriage better, it makes it easier to diffuse frustrations and get to the root of the argument rather than letting it boil over into something more than it needs to be.
Scary stuff. I think healthy boundaries are the key to avoiding this one. You've probably heard about rules such as never going somewhere with just one member of the opposite sex. We have this rule. This includes business trips, eating out and car rides. We also talk about everything. Like...everything. Nothing is off limits. And neither of us is good at lying, so we just try not to hide things. If something is revealed that one of us has "hidden" it's usually not because we didn't want to tell the other, but that we just forgot.
Kelsey was a week past her 23rd birthday and I was 22.5 when we were married (we had been dating for three and a half years). We had a few years of immaturity to work through, but we made it through. Kelsey's mom has a general rule that you should wait til age 25 to get married, and this research supports that. Everyone matures at their own pace, so this isn't a flat rule.
This was the biggest struggle for us in the first few years of our marriage. Luckily, we were both committed to working through our problems. With the help of a few great marriage courses, we were able to identify some of those expectations and work through them. A course by Andy Stanley called iMarriage really shed light on the roots of a lot of our expectations.
Do you ever feel like you do more than your spouse? I struggle with this all the time. It's usually based on selfish reflection and I often don't think about all of the little things Kelsey does. I think keeping a gratitude journal is a great way to count your blessings. (To be honest, I've not done very well with my gratitude journal lately.)
Yes, we were young when we were married, but we've always had the mindset that marriage requires work. Which means we constantly have to work at knowing each other better and communicating better. Not perfectly, just better. I think this attitude can help those unprepared for marriage.
This has never been an issue for us. I hope it never will be. Scary stuff.
Over to you. What statistic surprised you the most? What thoughts do you have about the infographic?